TrueNorth Water Fast: Day 14

I made it! Woohoo!

Going to bed last night felt like the night before Christmas as a kid. Instead of a stuffed stocking and wrapped presents, I went to sleep in anticipation of a crisp celery juice.

When I finally had my first sip, I almost cried. It was not as intense of a flavor “hit” as I expected, but it was so refreshing and felt like a huge sense of relief, too. I almost instantly felt some energy return. Some of it may even have been placebo, knowing I had made it to this point. But regardless, I am so grateful and so excited to have made it to this phase of the “journey.”

Today, I was given four green juices to drink throughout the day, and tomorrow I will have one for “breakfast” and then switch to raw foods for lunch and dinner. This includes everything except citrus, pineapple, and the salad dressings.

I feel I really did the fast for as long as I could and needed to physically and mentally/spiritually/emotionally. My weight plateaued over the last couple of days, which I think also tells me my body was done.

I went on an almost 45-minute walk, which felt amazing. As I was walking, I caught myself already thinking about getting back and drinking my next juice. Now, this is not a bad thing at all. Obviously, I am still hungry and in a huge deficit, but it is interesting to be aware of. Because that thought before would easily have been about the bar of chocolate I wanted to have when I got back, or the Chipotle I wanted to order while watching a show. These things were never in alignment with how I actually wanted to eat, but it always felt like an uphill battle, something I was fighting against. And if I did “win” and make a different choice, it still felt like I was being deprived, restricting myself, and even grumpy.

Today, I challenged myself to take a pause when getting back. Instead of reaching straight for the juice, I drank a glass of water, redirected my mind, and then came back to it when there was naturally a different association with the juice. This is a sense of control and healthy pride in making that choice that I feel basically didn’t exist previously. It is very freeing.

That is one of my biggest priorities after leaving here: I want to continue to feel free from the dopamine spiral of food and completely in control of my decisions around food.

This really is a process, and it takes time and conscious effort to create this new pattern. I think many of us don’t even realize the degree to which we associate eating with certain habits, actions, etc. The food itself many times is not the bad thing; it is the thought and decision process attached to it and the dependence we feel on the food.

One thought experiment I will be doing when I go home is asking myself, when I automatically want chocolate after dinner, a snack at the gas station, or popcorn at the movies: Would this activity still be enjoyable if you weren’t?