TrueNorth Water Fast: Days 15-17
Food has never tasted better…
Today started with a celery juice, just like yesterday, but at lunch I was finally able to transition to raw fruits and vegetables.
I didn't even know where to start. I filled a plate with greens, arugula, watermelon, carrots, celery, cherry tomatoes, jicama, and bell peppers. After not eating for two weeks, it was almost overwhelming just to have so many choices. I tasted everything one piece at a time, really wanting to notice every sensation. The carrots tasted sweeter than ever, the arugula was more peppery than I remembered, and the watermelon had never been so juicy and refreshing. The best surprise, though, was that I now LOVE cherry tomatoes. Before, I couldn't stand them - not even the thought of their texture. Now I actually crave them.
What a gift to experience this total reset and have a new appreciation for food and flavor.
For dinner, I skipped the greens and made a simple bowl of fruit, adding beets this time, which I also enjoyed more than I ever have. It was genuinely satisfying. I never could have imagined that a simple bowl of fruit would feel like enough.
The next day was very similar: fruit bowls throughout the day, plus a couple of bananas that honestly tasted like candy. At dinner, I was able to add steamed vegetables, so I had a baked sweet potato on a bed of greens with some other raw vegetables. To be honest, it was a little bland and unsatisfying - a tiny bit of dressing would have made all the difference - but the warmth of the sweet potato was incredibly comforting.
The following morning I had steamed broccoli, kabocha squash, and some fruit. The squash was so good I could have eaten ten more pieces. Lunch was simple again: greens, mashed potatoes, and a butternut squash and red pepper soup. The food here is incredibly simple, but knowing how nourishing it is somehow makes it satisfying in a different way.
There has definitely been some anxiety around eating again. I've wondered how my digestion would adjust, how my mind and emotions would respond, and how much the number on the scale would fluctuate. Because of my history - and everything I processed during the fast - I was very aware that these thoughts might come up. I'm grateful I took the time to reflect and prepare myself as much as possible for this transition.
Day 17, my fourth day of refeeding, was naturally the day I ate the most so far. Dinner was delicious: a bed of greens topped with steamed asparagus and Japanese sweet potato. Again, I could have eaten ten more. It was also the first time since refeeding that I actually felt "full," like my digestion was needing to catch up a little. I know that's completely normal but also good to listen to that cue. Later that evening I still ended up having a bowl of fruit and a banana as a snack.
It has been fascinating to feel my body slowly coming back to life and switching back to its normal fuel source. I have had a very mild headache, but again, I trust that this is simply my body adapting to the transition. I can also tell that my muscles are starting to relax. My upper back, especially, had been tight and almost crampy, but that is beginning to fade.
When you're in the middle of a fast you stop noticing all the little things. Now that I'm taking real walks again, I realize just how slowly I was actually moving during my daily 10- to 20-minute outings. I wrote in my journal today that I almost miss that completely stripped-back, raw feeling of fasting. It is uncomfortable, but also incredibly simple and clarifying. I plan decide the best way to bring a atleast a little bit of that feeling into my regular life once I'm home.
I am also very aware of how much I am recalibrating my “fullness” signal. That, especially eating this type of food, allwoing that feeling to be a “safe” one is new territory. I think if you’ve come into this having dealt with an eating disorder it is important to recognize that there will be this trust building with your self and your body happening after coming off the fast and to contemplate this as much as possible proactively.
So far I've only gained back about four pounds, which is, of course, just water weight. Despite my anticipation, my digestion has returned gradually and smoothly. I know some people really struggle with this, so I feel fortunate that the transition has been relatively uneventful. Almost instantly sleeping gets easier as well. Looking back, that was probably consistently the hardest part was anticipating not being able to fall and stay asleep through the night.
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