TrueNorth Water Fast: Day 4

I woke up feeling the best I have this morning. It’s deceiving - my mind feels sharp, like it’s ready to go do anything, but my body is not at that same level. Sleep is still difficult; I think I got about six hours. What is so bizarre - and telling - is that I’m only sleeping that much, but I’m not having caffeine throughout the day, and my energy feels consistent. On one hand, I’m grateful to know that. On the other, it’s almost annoying to realize that, yes, when you really clean your system and keep it that way, things function better than when you’re having three iced lattes a day. Who would’ve thought…

My weight only dropped about a pound from day 3. All my other vitals are consistent and normal. I did have some pretty unwelcome hunger hits in the evening. For me, that is the hardest time of the day. I also think the anticipation of not being able to sleep well causes anxiety, and that turns the volume up on the cravings. But that is a natural side effect if you do this - you adapt. I’m already wrapping my head around that your days are going to be whack and you’re going to be awake killing time more than you’re used to, or necessarily even want to. The simplest way I can summarize is it all comes in waves that you ride throughout the day. Even though the choice is taken away from you, it still takes a decent amount of perseverance and dedication to maintain a present, positive attitude.

An eclectic bunch walks through these doors brought together by a common pursuit. Ultimately, everyone is trying to take ownership of their health. It is never perfect or linear, but just by being here, you have already acknowledged that this is the path worth going down.

In the last couple of days I’ve been able to chat more with other guests and learn more about who is here. Many are later in life and are looking to reverse or improve chronic conditions, lose weight, or even support a cancer diagnosis. The diversity of these stories means you inevitably hear how everyone’s symptoms, health, and experiences have been caused and what maybe has healped. It can feel intensely nuanced, confusing, or overwhelming to hear all these different experiences. I think the point though is being exposed to a range of potential answers and resources without getting too attached to one thing or another too quickly. Well-being is multi-dimensional, and no matter what, you have to keep going down your own road. In many ways I have learned it is a pursuit not a destination.

Everyone does this their own way. Some stay in their room all day, and when they do come out, you wonder where they came from. Some are out most of the time, socializing. I fall somewhere in between. TrueNorth is unique in that it is an environment where you HAVE to rest and reset. You don’t have a choice if you are water fasting.

One of the less obvious benefits of being here is that it creates, and sometimes forces, space to shed whatever you need to. For me, the main thing is the cycle of binge eating and fear around gaining weight. Day 4 was a breakdown/breakthrough day with clarity and shedding beginning to happen. I watched a video talking about the dieting cycle of restrict/binge, and a comment was made that stuck with me: “A diet changes the way you look. A fast changes the way you see the diet.” That couldn’t be more true for me. Stripping back food has made seeing - and reckoning with—the severity and reality of my attachment to food for over half my life. This is a real gift that feels exciting and daunting at once.